so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
