Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Everything about him screamed your future.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize