Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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