i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
