Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am midnight drunk by noon
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
