how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
