Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is wine microwaveable?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
