maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
