I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
