I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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