Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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