She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
