I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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