never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
