Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
