never play flip cup with pint glasses
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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