Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
