Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
