is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Someone signed my nipple.
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