dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
