I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
