dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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