Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
