I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
