Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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