He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
