i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
