i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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