I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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