what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
