Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
