The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
