went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
