i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
