i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
