You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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