I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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