I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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