I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
