does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
