You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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