I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
