I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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