your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
