There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Found the puke drawer
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
