I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
