it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
