Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
