She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize