I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
