Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize