So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
