I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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