I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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