you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
