Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
