Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
