i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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