So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
