every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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