I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
