Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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