This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
