His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
