9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
