You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So many bounce houses so little time
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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