someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
