Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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