I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
