i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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